contents

I. Family Relationships

1. What Families Are All About

In healthy family life, each member gives (babies give us laughs) and takes. In this way each has the opportunity to give and receive, everyone receiving the benefits of both. Family provides a strong support unit in times of stress and illness. Family support helps us work through life's ups and downs.

As parents, our children's dependency ties us to responsibilities, giving us the opportunity to grow out of our self-serving ways. Children have us as a role model to emulate and as someone to guide and support
them till independence day. And when our parents become children again through old age or illness, we have the responsibility to care for them.

Spare time can be spent improving the environment for all and serving those where their needs may lie. We need to feel and show the same concern for others that we feel for ourselves and our families by attitude and by action, to the extent our responsibilities allow.

Families give us a chance to grow in consciousness as individuals, by broadening our concept of what it means to be part of the world family.

2. Developing Harmony

Harmonious living is being an asset to all people and creation. We fit into place in our family, with friends, and everyone, as a jigsaw puzzle piece fits perfectly—one part—but important to the whole. If that one piece were missing or distorted, the puzzle would not be complete.

If we feel uneasy about the possible outcome of an action that we are contemplating, than work out an alternate plan. We have our intelligence, and we need to use it in planning how to best resolve the situations we are faced with in life.

If our mind is uncertain about the right course of action, we can first calm the mind by doing some regulated breathing—evenly spaced in and out breaths. Or we can lie down or lie back in a recliner and do a deep relaxation. When our body and mind are calm the right course of action comes into our
thoughts.

We do not see the ocean floor because of the movement of the waves, but we can see the bottom of a clear placid lake. When our mind is disturbed, making waves for us, we can not see the pure truth underlying the mind.

The best resolve is always there, but our thoughts of self-serving desire keep us from seeing clearly to the underlying issues of the problem. The best answer is concealed from us by our own inner turbulence.

The more we learn to control our body and mind, the more usefully they serve us. Our energy is then used optimally for our own and others' benefit.

            H arm no one
            A lways rest in the peaceful
            R etreat of the Self within each aspect of the underlying
     Har M ony
            O ne with all
            N ature
            Y ielding to the Highest Good

3. Going Home

After being away from our family home for awhile, we look forward, with fresh anticipation to going home.

A deep yearning causes us to search for our innate roots, the womb of our origin. We have gone out into the world, experienced 'life' with its pains and pleasures, happiness and sadness. We never found a lasting happiness from those experiences. What we sought was not outside of ourselves.

To go home, is to experience the peace and love arising from our self-effulgent heart center, the core of our being. We find that all the love and happiness we have ever wanted is already available to us, every
moment, without fail.

The outer journey of going away from h (om) e to seek happiness was not fruitless. We found irrefutably that the world did not hold a continuous thread of happiness joining life's adventure together.

The silver thread that weaves its way through life's journeys is our own outlook, realization of being the peace, being the love. What we seek out in the world is what we already are in the home of our soul. We are the joy, the peace, the love. They are part of the makeup of us just as surely as could ever imagine. But we have been imagining they are outside in the world, instead of realizing they are in the home of our heart.

The great experiment, the ultimate goal of our existence is to find that the qualities that we seek to make us happy, are actually already an integral part of our existence. And the way to find these qualities within ourselves is through practice—practice in being kind and caring, practicing meditation, practicing holding positive and unselfish attitudes. After practicing we soon realign with the peace and joy within.

4. Married or Single; Two Paths, One Goal

We are all living on earth for the same purpose—to achieve communion with our innate being in Soul Realization

Being married give us the full time opportunity to care for someone beyond ourselves. By giving time and energy in a positive way to our mate and children we feel personal fulfillment in their happiness.

If we channel our energy into useful service for mankind at large we really are just interacting with a larger family, compared to the married person. But because we don't have our 'larger family' in our home with us all the time we might not have the advantage the married person has of receiving constant feed back.

5. Who is our Spouse?

Physically, our spouse is the one we married. Like the two poles of a magnet, we attract and cling to each other.

The personality of each person has both male and female qualities in varying degrees, both the heart and head qualities.

The ultimate aim of each individual is to seek an equilibrium in these opposite tendencies in order to lead a balanced, happy life. Going either way too much causes stress. Again, within each mate opposites are present, and the chord of harmony is struck when careful thoughtful loving actions predominate in each of us.

This state becomes more evident over a period of time with others and nature. Then, we are feeling and experiencing the reflection of our permanent spirit. Balanced actions reflect the spirit clearly.

Though we complete an outward union in physical mating, we have not achieved the ultimate union possible for each of us. We feel fulfillment in mating for those few moments because we have a communion of our physical body, our emotional and caring thoughts.

Our spirit, our soul is always perfectly balanced, and the more we align our actions, our thoughts and feelings with the highest good of the prevailing situation, the more balance and fulfillment we feel pervading our body, thoughts, emotions—our lives.

6. Conscious Marriage

7. The Divine Beloved

Marriage gives us the opportunity to experience divinity deeply and profoundly. We have the opportunity to encourage each other in meditation and spiritual housekeeping till we realize that in every moment spirit
pervades every atom of creation.

The virtues of patience, purity, and honesty are basic in the foundation of a marriage. As we continue to live with our mate, we tune into the deeper experiences of life. And if we choose to live a single life we experience the benefits of living in the womb of humanity by living a life dedicated to service in this world--and by being scrupulously on guard to keep fast to the virtues.

8. Our Mate as our Best Friend

When our mate is our best friend, the relationship flourishes, even when outer conditions are in drought.

Mutual caring supportiveness allows each person the freedom to stumble, knowing that a helping hand will be there, just as mountain climbers rely upon each other to successfully scale the cliffs before enjoying the breath-taking summit.

Between mates who have become best friends, summits can be reached in the experience of their relationship that are beyond reach of any other form of friendship.

Friendship, within the closeness and bonding of commitment, contains a circle of joyful energy no other form of friendship knows. The element of surrender to each other's energy within the sanctity of committed love, arouses more lovingness than either can experience outside their union.

When mates continue to be best friends, no issue can come between them that has no resolve.

9. Committed versus Living Together

When we rent, we can move on short notice without resolving a lot of time-consuming issues.

On the other hand, we do not have the freedom to plan and carry out long-range goals.

When we live with a person, without being committed, we maintain our freedom to leave the relationship on short notice. Because of the impermanent structure of a live-in relationship, we preclude the depth of intimacy and sharing that can develop from the stable structure of a commitment.

Experiencing life's pleasures and pains side by side, with the commitment to work through each challenge, allows growth of character, wisdom and consciousness to develop.

10. Warm Abiding Love

In the committed relationship, each partner has their own basic needs plus relationship needs. No one makes us happy. But we do feel happy in a person's presence when we have mutually harmonious personal qualities and maintain a positive and loving attitude.

Commitment can be as a roomy carriage, with space for growth, fulfillment, and harmony, or a small compartment bound in by barriers of jealousy and possessiveness, disharmony.

By looking objectively at the personal attributes in a prospective partner and then analyzing, we can determine whether the relationship would be expansive or hemmed in.

A relationship does not become harmonious the moment we make a commitment. Evolution in relationship harmony is meticulously earned when each partner acts for the highest good of the relationship, time and time again.

11. The Magical Moment of Conception

In our conscious life this natural process is an example of the way that we grow from self-centeredness to a more rewarding life where we feel a simpatico with all creation. Every place feels like home. All people seem to be our brothers and sisters. The animals seem to be our dear little friends and the natural scenery amazes and delights our senses.

One day we ask ourselves …

How did all this come to be? Where and how did the harmony and beauty begin? Because all nature continually surrenders into more conscious forms, what form does the human evolve into?

These questions plague us and the conscious search for what is beyond the obvious body and mind begins.

By observing nature, we see that the individual cells are constantly merging and becoming part of greater form--maintaining individuality, but still becoming one with the whole. There is not one inharmonious action in nature, even what appears catastrophic to us, such as an earthquake, is the result of an underlying cause, the shifting crust of the earth.

We reason that our destiny is to remain conscious, yet merge into a greater reality. How can we become part of the greater reality, the unseen reality?

The technique for getting in touch with our expanded existence is meditation. Taking the time to meditate regularly allows us to observe that yes, many thoughts ramble through our mind, but that we have the choice to act on them or not. We truly come to realize and learn that our mind is the commander of our body, of our actions. And in this sublime realization the finer feelings of joy arise in our consciousness, energizing our physical body and uplifting our thoughts.

And we realize that we have the choice to imbibe in the sublimely energized joy at any time through meditation—meditation beginning in the stillness of our body, and extending into our activities in the world.

12. Children Are People, Too

It is through bearing the responsibility for children and childlike elderly parents that we experience our interconnection between the generations.

When we pass on to our children the lessons that we have learned so far, each succeeding generation evolves in consciousness.

In the family setting we give for the welfare of our children. Giving for a child's benefit is not give and take. We give, give, give, and do not receive in kind—a child does not have the capacity to give back to us in the same way.

What we do receive through caring for children is a shredding of our self-centeredness—our cage of self-containment—our concept that we are here on earth only to satisfy desires from our own mind.

We give to our children while they are growing up.

What they give back to us is a permanent experience of ourselves as expansive beings—expansive in that we feel ourselves within the framework of others' lives.

13. Discipline with Ourselves and our Children

We guide our children according to what we think worked for us. As our consciousness expands, our ideas of effective discipline change.

Self-discipline in our children comes from teaching them the benefits of self-motivated right behavior, allowing them to interrelate harmoniously.

We instill a child with personally motivated self-discipline by:

1. Being a living example;
2. Planning with and helping the child implement a schedule for all that needs to be done during the day and coming week, the child gaining practice in time and energy management in the process;
3. Setting obtainable rewards for positive actions;
4. Letting the consequences of negative actions be known to the child.

14. Resolving Conflicts in Raising Children

15. Compromise in Parenting

Compromise has a place in parenting. When enforcing our rules we do not always have to play the tyrant. We can give in on small points. Then when the big problems come, we can stick to our principles without the child feeling that we are never flexible.

This attitude, this compromise in parenting, shows children that each event in life requires individual consideration—one pat way will not be the wisest choice in each situation.

Compromise in parenting involves our partner, too. It makes us feel good to give in to our partner's requests sometimes, when we would rather do something else.

Children learn from example more than from words. They find their way to happiness by seeing us care for others. Expressing care through action is the way we manifest real love.

Compromise with the children does not necessarily make them think that we are weak or can be easily swayed. It shows them that we use our mind to weigh the merits of each individual situation. Why be bound to one of our own rules when a better way is evident?

II. Mainly Teen Issues

16. Hand in Hand with our Teenagers

We were each a child who grew and became more visible in the world. If we respect children as individuals who have their own thoughts, emotions, and dreams, they will feel good about themselves and in turn respect us. This back and forth respect and communication bridges the generation gap.

For adults, children are our inspirations to act as best we can. Growth is from both sides. The 'adult' is the example and the 'child' inspires the adult to be their best.

Children are impressionable and react rapidly to stimulus. Children as individuals need a general and personalized plan with their schooling to develop their inherent qualities.

Besides academics, children need to learn practical living skills and spiritual practices, which provide a foundation to live in society as useful adults.

17. Teenagers

Teenagers walk across a bridge spanning the river of uncertainty, from the security of childhood on one side, to the other side of sole responsibility. It is a swinging bridge, with teenagers swaying at the beginning, in the middle, and at the end, sometimes hanging on precariously along the way, till finally stepping onto the firm ground of solo independence.

Adults that are around children need to extend a helping hand if teenagers are about to fall; otherwise we should just observe and allow them to master their walk.

The basis for their behavior as teenagers was set before they turned thirteen years old. In the teenage years the fledglings are testing their wings. Adults can guide but not act for teenagers, otherwise they won't reach the end of their bridge to independence, or will be slowed down past the age of twenty.

Guidelines for teenage behavior at home and at school should be set by the parents and teachers with repercussions made known beforehand, and then enacted if the rules are violated.

As adults, we have golden opportunities to inspire and bring out the best in children, our next generation, by our words and actions. Let us, as responsible adults, fully love each other and our children, living as the best examples that we can.

18. Nurturing
Nesting Family to World Family

A baby, cuddled in the heart to heart position regains the feelings of security and protection lost, when suddenly free of the womb. With repeated hugs and cuddling, baby, mother, all of baby's family develops
a mutual relationship of ever increasing love.

On the larger scale of human development and evolution, the devotion developed in nurturing our family expands gradually to include others in our loving care. We grow from self-centeredness, feeling a limited amount of love, to the experience of expanded never-ending loving energy reaching out to all.

19. Extended Family

While growing up we observe what is entailed in being a father, mother, brother, sister. If each of these basic roles were not in our own family, we saw them in families around us. As adults, many of us extend into the parenting role with our own children or with the children of relatives and friends.

The family we grew up in is our nesting family. After we fly from the nest as young adults, we begin to relate in ways that form additional family groups. If we marry, we then gain an ever larger family of in-laws.

20. Back to the Nest

As children, we practice relating with those older, younger, and similar in age. With relatives, we have a common tie, but varying interests, abilities, and goals. We get practice in fulfilling our own desires while learning to get along harmoniously with others in the nest.

No matter what individual differences we have, we all have basic similarities, just as children of the same set of parents have similarities and differences. We each have a body, discriminative mind, emotions, soul, and were born of the union of two parents forming one whole new person. We begin to feel the
underlying harmonious force of love weaving its way through our lives, enriching us with the realization that we are not in solitude on the planet, but interrelated in our worldwide extended family.

To understand our inborn harmonious union with others we need to practice giving and receiving, relaxing and enjoying our interrelatedness.

By sharing and caring with others we experience a feeling of fullness and connectedness. By nurturing these feelings of connection and satisfaction daily, our capacity grows to include more people in our loving circle, eventually realizing and feeling our oneness with our entire planetary family.

21. Roles in Transition

22. Love and Harmony, Our Constant

III. A Verse for Upliftment

23. 'Shining Brightly'

IV. Links

Susan Kramer, M.A., M.Div. is an international author of more than 50 collections and 150 articles on rhythmic movement, modern dance, ballet, music, philosophy, yoga and practical spirituality for children, teens, adults and those challenged, with some translations in Dutch, French, German, Greek and Spanish, and with her husband, Stan Schaap- http://www.powertoshare.com, resides in Amsterdam, The Netherlands.
web site http://www.susankramer.com
email susan@susankramer.com

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further reading
Meditation site at BellaOnline, Susan Kramer, Editor
http://meditation.bellaonline.com

- Yoga For All Kids -
 4 styles of meditation, plus 15 gentle moving yoga poses
that can be used as a basic motor skills lesson plan.
For kids of all ages and abilities! Fully illustrated.
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- Meditation For All Kids -
Dance, group, circle, sitting, relaxation meditations
 for kids of all abilities...
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